3 Steps to having it all. *without doing it all
It was Sunday morning. My eyes barely opened and my brain spinning with a growing list of to-dos. Going through my morning routine the list kept growing as I kept thinking of one more thing and mentally making a note. Finish article, when was the last time I’ve been to the dentist?, grocery store, costco, send invites for Fierce Joy networking event, what’s for lunch? My body was tensing up and I had a pit in my stomach as I felt defeated and completely behind in my day and life all before 7 AM!
I know I’m not alone.
As a working mom of 3 running my own business life is FULL and I wouldn’t change a thing. I wouldn’t want to let go of any of the pieces of my life. I signed up for this and I have BIG goals for myself, my family and my growing business.
The women I work with and connect with the best want this big busy life too. They want the picture perfect life, whatever that means to them. Let’s not forget the career that is big and bold. They have dreams of changing the world but also having fun too. Wait, one more thing, space for themselves and to feel fierce, strong, and sexy in their mid life friggin’ fantastic bodies;that’s just scraping the surface.
There is this underlying feeling in our gut that something is missing. That there is more out there. While a word of the year can be great, it can be hard to live in the day to day.
How do I have it all?
More time? Nope
More willpower? Nope
Smaller ass? Nope
Change everything about yourself because there is something wrong with you? Nope
(*You are f-ing fantastic. Just in case you needed a reminder)
So, How do you have it all? There are 3 steps to get it done.
STEP ONE: DECIDE
You have to decide what your version of having it all is for you, right now, for today or for this season. This constantly shifts and is refined based on life. If you don’t decide, life will fill it all up to the the max without your permission.
ACTION: What are your top 3 priorities today? Decide & Declare them.
STEP TWO: GET REAL
We all have the same 24 hrs in a day, so let’s get real. Women also tend to overestimate what they can get done and underestimate how long it will take.
ACTION: Brain dump that endless to do list and get it out on a piece of paper. No, you don’t need to pinterest the best way to do this. Just grab one of your kids endless pieces of paper, turn it over and get it all out. CHOOSE the items that align with your top priorities of the day that you can actually accomplish in the time you have.
STEP THREE: ACT & ADJUST & ACT & ADJUST
Life never goes according to plan, so stop being surprised and setting yourself up to fail. When I work with clients it is all about setting up their day for multiple opportunities to succeed and adjust their definition to succeed. No one likes to feel like they are constantly falling short, this step will prevent that.
ACTION: Lay out your plan for the day with your version of having it all. It can help sometimes to put it on your calendar for a reality check. Make sure you start with you and create space for buffers. If you need to adjust during the day, brilliant! Look at you adapting to what life throws down. What is important at 7am might shift by 3pm in the afternoon with new or different information.
Now let’s talk about the lie that is keeping you stuck:
THE LIE: To have it all, you have to do it all.
You are not the magical unicorn with answers to everything, everyone, and every situation. That is your stress brain lying to you. There is a team of people at work and at home (family); delegate.
ACTION: Sit down as a family or with your team. Here are the tasks that need to be addressed. How are we going to get this accomplished today?
Let me show you how that works:
My husband literally just walked in and said “Why would you go to Costco? I can do that with Lawson. It is right on the way home from baseball practice. Plus, you hate Costco.” YES, the power of the team!
As I was spinning myself into a whirlwind of anxiety and stress I caught myself. I had to laugh, even “experts” are human. It isn’t about being perfect, but rather catching yourself at 7:10 and trying again. Choosing a different tool, which is available to us at any time of day, to course correct. I could have spent all day pissed off and stressing myself but instead I spent 10 minutes to course correct.
I grabbed my coffee and sat down in my favorite spot. I brain dumped my ridiculous list that would be impossible for anyone to accomplish. I decided my day.
Meditate & Movement
This sets my whole day up for success. If I don’t do it right away it never happens and then I don’t have the energy I need for the day with my kids.
Write 1 article
I had 20 ideas that I really want to write about, but I actually need 1. This is an imaginary deadline and expectation I put on myself.
Chores & Grocery Store
This sets us up for the whole week. Our 3 kids are responsible for helping clean the house, do the laundry, and go to the grocery store. My partner and I divide and conquer. This takes a lot of patience and fighting the urge to “do it myself.” Why step #1 is so important and #1
Fun, that we now have time for because I prioritized! Go to the Red Balloon bookstore to pick out our next bedtime book.
With my shoulders down and soft smile I think “I’ve got this.” I can have it all today. I have plenty of time because I’ve decided what is important today.
FEEL the energy and power that comes from deciding, acting, and succeeding.